The Princess Effect

We are not inviting children to our wedding because I have about thirty little second cousins on my side of the family and we simply can't accommodate for that many kids. This is killing me because, before they'd doubled in numbers, I had always imagined I would simply enlist them all into the wedding party and let them run down the aisle and be adorable and no feelings would be hurt.

{from The Brides' Cafe}

I feel that offering them this important (and fun and adorable) role in my wedding day is my duty as the youngest of my generation. As the baby-of-the-family straggler, I was given the ability to go to the majority of my 14 older cousin's weddings. And the most important wedding event I've attended was when I was six years old and I was the flower girl.

This is where my theory of The Princess Effect comes into play. As the youngest in a very large extended family, I was given many a role model among family members to look up to. Whether we were close or whether I heard stories from afar when they'd disappear to college one by one, in each I found a friend to talk to, a babysitter to braid hair with, or a strong will that would intimidate me at the time. The Princess Effect is what I call the magnetic pull of little girls to their favorite older female family members, their preschool and kindergarten teachers, and their babysitters- their role models outside of their mothers. And when I see a little girl smiling at and trailing her big sister or aunt or babysitter, I remember that feeling and I think of little girls in Disney World meeting their favorite princess in person and audibly gasping in awe and wonder. Like I did when I saw my preschool teacher out of context sitting next to us at church, or when I saw my cousin in her wedding dress in June, 1990.

When I was a flower girl, I soaked up the opportunity to be in the spotlight and show off my maturity and ability to take on this great duty. The absolute best part of being a flower girl was taking special pictures with my cousin-bride, and getting to pretend I was picking up her train. I remember thinking it was just like we were in a fairytale. I definitely fancied myself the most important member of the wedding party.

My mother used to babysit this cousin, and when she was a teen my cousin babysat me. My cousin now has a daughter who I used to babysit, and my cousin's sisters have daughters, and my 14 other cousins on my mother's side have adorable children. Because I was so fortunate to have so many role models growing up, I wanted to have the fun "princess" moment on my wedding day in which I asked them all to be a part of it- especially the girls as part of a women inspiring women pattern. But I have to realize that as the family grows in leaps and bounds and generations, the ties have to loosen to accommodate it.

All that said, we will have one little girl at the wedding: a will-be 10 year old first cousin on Marc's side. We're hoping our first cousin rule holds water and doesn't upset anyone, because she's the only kid on his side just as I was as the straggler youngest.

Are any of you struggling with your rules on kids at the wedding? What did you decide?